Dear Friends and travel companions,
I fear I have neglected you and perhaps lost some friends along the way. The truth is that I lost my way in the dreaded fog of depression and have been feeling my way back. I did not want to take you along this unexpected diversion while I tested and discovered unknown paths. I often sat at my laptop and started to write only to give up half way through thinking I was speaking without purpose. It also angered me that I was allowing myself to succumb to this in spite of all my positivity and determination.
I have been spending the past months connecting with loved ones, new and old; collecting new experiences and diverting myself with frivolous pursuits. Refusing to face the sadness that was building up inside me filling my chest cavity and suffocating my heart, until it hurt. It made me tongue-tied and I felt as though I could not write to you for fear of betraying myself.
I have been visiting art galleries recently, appreciating the expression of many talented artists and trying to feel what they felt in creating their art that give so much joy and inspiration to others. Then I saw - it was not always joy they expressed - there was sorrow and pain too. But in creating their paintings they were conquering their demons. Sometimes even trapping them on canvas. They had turned their art into a couch from where they could speak of all the things they could not otherwise. It inspired me to be fearless and expressive and I felt that I could write again. So here it is - the canvas of my mind exhibited for you all to see. Take from it what you will and pass judgement.
It is my hope that this postcard will reassure you that I am still here and in fighting spirit. Because depression is as real and tangible a demon as any other and it rides on the back of all illness and adversity. I know that many of us are fighting this demon alone and single-handed this! but remember that you have the strength and power within you, to overcome and evict it. Find a way to recognise it first, acknowledge it then give it a shape or form that you can control and express it out of your subconscious. One cannot always control the vehicle that carries in this demon but you can control its path by creating diversions. Lead it out of your life, my friend - yes I am talking to you ! You can do this!
I fear I have neglected you and perhaps lost some friends along the way. The truth is that I lost my way in the dreaded fog of depression and have been feeling my way back. I did not want to take you along this unexpected diversion while I tested and discovered unknown paths. I often sat at my laptop and started to write only to give up half way through thinking I was speaking without purpose. It also angered me that I was allowing myself to succumb to this in spite of all my positivity and determination.
I have been spending the past months connecting with loved ones, new and old; collecting new experiences and diverting myself with frivolous pursuits. Refusing to face the sadness that was building up inside me filling my chest cavity and suffocating my heart, until it hurt. It made me tongue-tied and I felt as though I could not write to you for fear of betraying myself.
I have been visiting art galleries recently, appreciating the expression of many talented artists and trying to feel what they felt in creating their art that give so much joy and inspiration to others. Then I saw - it was not always joy they expressed - there was sorrow and pain too. But in creating their paintings they were conquering their demons. Sometimes even trapping them on canvas. They had turned their art into a couch from where they could speak of all the things they could not otherwise. It inspired me to be fearless and expressive and I felt that I could write again. So here it is - the canvas of my mind exhibited for you all to see. Take from it what you will and pass judgement.
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