Chapter 9- The Cloak of Invisibility.

I have often observed that when a person becomes chronically ill or disabled there is a tendency for him /her to withdraw from the social scene and don a cloak ok invisibility.  Sometimes this is by personal choice but often this is state enforced by circumstances.  Be it out of consideration, embarrassment, or ignorance, the chronically ill & infirmed gradually become invisible to many but a few.

I attended a course some years ago about disability awareness, in particular about visual disability. Some very important lessons learnt have stood me in good stead ever since.

·         Be aware of needs and if you are not sure, just ask & then, LISTEN

·         Be attentive but not over –attentive

·         Be Patient & be Respectful

·         Do not Talk loudly or in a patronising manor

·         Be empathetic and not sympathetic.

Having developed physical limitations as a consequence of the stroke, I find myself being sensitive to all the above and as the prime  navigator in my road to recovery I am no longer willing to compromise  and have become quite a hard task-master as those around me may be experiencing.

 In the past, I have always been complimented upon my patience in teaching children but I have also often replied that I have little patience for adults, because I think that they should know better.

However, it is difficult to be demanding when you are wearing the cloak of invisibility and just as difficult to be tactful and patient when your mental and emotional resources are already spent.

You may wonder, what triggered off this chain of thought and I reply, quite candidly, it is fatigue.  Tiredness at putting on a brave face and soldiering on regardless of watching the dust settle on  dreams and aspirations but one is now dependent upon and grateful for the good will  of others in the most basic of tasks.

There are no complaints or malice or hidden accusations behind these revelations.  Merely an explanation of my shameless and forthright discarding of the Cloak of Invisibility to openly claim my right  to life.

To appreciate and be grateful for life is not enough , I am determined to live I as I did before the stroke. I still have the same. dreams, aspirations, intellect and desires  so why not the same ambition. 

Steady On!  I hear my friends say, Isn’t this what landed you in trouble in the first place? No I say, it was not my dreams but the compromises & compensations I had to make in fulfilling them that caused the strain and spent my energies.  I was fulfilling the demands of 5 individual work projects but was also dealing with the challenges in each of  those five, individually..

 ‘The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up’.
Paul Valery

 

So, as you can see, I have thrown off my cloak, awoken from slumber and declared openly, my intention to claim my stake in this mortal  life.   There are no reasons why I cannot realise all that I could before the stroke.