Having spent much of my adult life as self-employed, self reliant woman I find myself now in a curiously vulnerable state, dependent of on the love, patience and TLC of my family & friends. But what I can offer them in return? Although I have been very fortunate in that I have suffered no long term physical disability resulting from the stroke I have been hampered by fatigue and lack of stamina in carrying on with any sustained activities that I previously took for granted. A blessing- I hear my loved ones say!
Another strange consequence of the stroke is my lack of appetite- another blessing, as I needed to shed a few kgs according to my BMI index. But this has also affected my ability to cook and be cooked for as the smell of food just does not appeal to my senses and I find little joy in sitting down to eat.
For someone surrounded by lovers of gourmet Indian cuisine I now live by the motto- ' The Blander the Better'! Which is not a lot of fun for my family members. My children have often toiled over a hot stove to cook me a delicious meal only to be met by a state of indifference or feigned enthusiasm for the food.
There was a time when the smell of frying jeera & onions would get my mouth watering. Now I feel nauseous and run the other way. So a lot of Indian cooking is out for me. Cooked one of my old favourites last night- baingan bharta ( roasted aubergine meze style, for the uninitiated). It was a chore to cook and even more so to eat it!
My sense of hearing too appears to be more sensitive. I am awoken by the sound of chirping birds at 4am every morning- a beautiful sound, you may say but strangely to me it sounds loud and irritating!
Imagine my dismay when in preparing for my MRI scan this week, I was warned by technician in the cheeriest of tones, that that machine can be a little loud sometimes!
It was a strange experience, my MRI. I lay perfectly still, in a meditative state being tested for periods of 3-4minutes by cacophonous compositions of clanging, clapping and whirring sounds which I can only liken to a ship's engine room and siren. How do I know? Hollywood movies of old!
I have never appreciated the sound of silence more that I do now. But silence too can be a loud & lonely space if the mind is synaptically in rush-hour mode! And so I have rediscovered my love for classical music, both eastern & western - Music from the soul , for the Soul.
I share with you, some moments of precious Stillness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYu5PWld89g
Another strange consequence of the stroke is my lack of appetite- another blessing, as I needed to shed a few kgs according to my BMI index. But this has also affected my ability to cook and be cooked for as the smell of food just does not appeal to my senses and I find little joy in sitting down to eat.
For someone surrounded by lovers of gourmet Indian cuisine I now live by the motto- ' The Blander the Better'! Which is not a lot of fun for my family members. My children have often toiled over a hot stove to cook me a delicious meal only to be met by a state of indifference or feigned enthusiasm for the food.
There was a time when the smell of frying jeera & onions would get my mouth watering. Now I feel nauseous and run the other way. So a lot of Indian cooking is out for me. Cooked one of my old favourites last night- baingan bharta ( roasted aubergine meze style, for the uninitiated). It was a chore to cook and even more so to eat it!
My sense of hearing too appears to be more sensitive. I am awoken by the sound of chirping birds at 4am every morning- a beautiful sound, you may say but strangely to me it sounds loud and irritating!
Imagine my dismay when in preparing for my MRI scan this week, I was warned by technician in the cheeriest of tones, that that machine can be a little loud sometimes!
It was a strange experience, my MRI. I lay perfectly still, in a meditative state being tested for periods of 3-4minutes by cacophonous compositions of clanging, clapping and whirring sounds which I can only liken to a ship's engine room and siren. How do I know? Hollywood movies of old!
I have never appreciated the sound of silence more that I do now. But silence too can be a loud & lonely space if the mind is synaptically in rush-hour mode! And so I have rediscovered my love for classical music, both eastern & western - Music from the soul , for the Soul.
I share with you, some moments of precious Stillness.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bYu5PWld89g
No comments:
Post a Comment